I happen to live in an apartment complex with a police officer. I know this only because I see his (or her) patrol car in the parking lot of the complex near my building almost everyday. I have never actually seen the officer but assume he or she must work night shifts as the car is typically in the lot all day but gone most of the night. Sometimes I end up parked very near or next to this police car. I also happen to like to wash my own car by hand. My feeling is that when you are currently driving what used to be your mom’s Honda Fit you gotta keep it looking sharp for the ladies. Those automated car washes can’t deliver the clean and shine like an old fashioned hand scrubbing can. Since I have no other option, when I wash my car by hand I do it in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Today, for the first time I found myself parked next to the police officer’s patrol car and also washing my car. Now you see how all those random bits of information you just wasted your time reading came together? That is called professional writing. You are welcome.
As I began the process of washing my own car I couldn’t happen to notice how dirty the officer’s car was. It looked really pretty awful. After a few more minutes of scrubbing and rinsing my own car a thought slowly began to form in my mind. What if I washed the police officer’s car for them, you know, as like a thank you for everything they do for us? They give everything to the community and this is my opportunity to give just a little bit back. In my head I pictured the adulation and thanks I would receive in kind from the police officer as they discovered their freshly washed ride. Suddenly all of the ill will they had been feeling toward the community would be erased as one unselfish good deed reminded them of why they go to work every day. Nothing beats a good deed done for totally selfish reasons, right? Despite my delusions of grandeur and less then pure motives I hesitated. Won’t the officer’s car be like alarmed or something? I mean I hear they have all kinds of issues with people downtown fucking with them and stuff. What if the officer comes out while I am washing their car, sees me, thinks I am fucking with their car, and draws their gun on me or some shit like that? and, What if it is actually illegal to touch a police officer’s car without explicit permission or some such shit because of all the fucking with them that happens? and on and on and on went the various reasons why my original plan was probably a very bad idea. In the, I walked away, Honda Fit clean and shiny, cop car left exactly as I found it, unwashed, dull and dingy. And here’s the thing that sucks, that really sucks. It would have been a really nice thing to do, a very nice thing.