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My dearest Victoria,

It has been almost four months now since I last saw you. I wanted to write to you but since I am not sure where you are now I have no way to send you this. I hope that by some miracle it might reach you. If it does not at least I will know that I have tried. Perhaps someone else who is experiencing a similar situation will see it and take some comfort from it. I know that would please you greatly.

I wanted you to know that your babies are doing well. Teebee is still fat and happy. As I write this she slumbers by my side. Snoring like she always did. Occasionally her paws jerk and her ears pull back. No doubt dreaming her typical cat dreams. Chasing a bird or lumbering through a field of flowers. Sniffing each as she brushes past. Maybe even she dreams of you. Imagines that you are picking her up in your arms and holding her close. Snuggling with her on our couch like you used to do. Whenever I close her in my arms now she reacts badly. She is clearly uncomfortable. Perhaps it reminds her too much of you. I no longer even try to hold her like that. We snuggle in our own way, like we always have. When I look into her eyes sometimes I can see your reflection there. That is how I know she misses you.

Emcee is still the tiny cute bird boned lightweight. She is old now. Remember how her teeth had begun to rot. I took her to the vet and she had surgery. Thy removed twelve of her teeth! I call her gummy now. Lol! She is so much more comfortable and happy since the surgery. Like she was as a kitten. She loves mom and dad and they spoil her so much. It is really heartwarming to see. I am so glad she is happy here. Like Teebee I sometimes see you in her eyes. She misses you too. I know she dreams about you from time to time.

It is so difficult for me to tell you how I feel. It is all pain and grief and still so raw. I miss you so much. If only I could hold you in my arms one more time and tell you how much I love you. Everyone says I need to try and move on. To get past this, but I just can’t. Not yet at least. I still think about you everyday. It is so hard to talk to people about us. I worry that I will make them sad or upset if I tell them that I am a widow. That my wife, my late wife, is dead. I am still so young to be a widow at least according to most. So mostly I just don’t talk about it. I hope that does not upset you. I feel it so deeply though still.

I swear to all the Gods in this world and any other that I will find you in the beyond. I need to find you, to see you again, there is so much I must tell you. I will smite any entity or being or unnamable thing. I vow that even the supposedly immutable laws of logic and physics won’t stop me. Maybe someone or something is reading these words and laughing at me. Mocking me. Know this. I am coming for you if you try to stand against me. My love for you Victoria is too great. My will too strong. I will stand before you again someday baby. I will embrace you. Nothing on heaven or earth or hell in this universe or any other will stand in my way. Nothing and no one will stop me.

We will be together again someday in some place. I will see you soon. Then we will be at peace.

All my love,


p.s. I promise to keep your babies safe and happy until their time on earth is up. They will probably find you first. I expect I may need their strength to find you. Let them come to me if I call for their aid. No doubt you are with Shima now. Her power I may require the most. She was a God among cats. No matter how hard it may be you must let her come when I call. Finally, I think you only met Sonja once and I know you never met Bones. I would not be at all surprised if they have sought you out. I know if they have you will have embraced them as your own. Bones is a very special case. Like Shima her powers are vast. If you can send her to me when I call and she agrees to fight for me I know we will win our way to you.

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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