What is an Online University?
An online university is a for profit college that exists mainly to serve the most under represented in traditional universities segments of our population, including the poor, minorities, the elderly and disabled. Since access is limited only by the availability of a networked computer the roadblocks that often prevent access for the under served are mostly swept away. Moreover government and private industry have partnered up to ensure that anyone who want to attend one of these schools can get the money to do so either through grants, or loans offered at reasonable and affordable rates. The online universities have agreed to keep their tuition at nominal levels in exchange for access to this huge pool of essentially guaranteed money every year. Hah! Kidding! Had you going there for a little bit though didn’t I, sucker. Online “universities”, at least in the tech sector, are for profit “diploma” mills that offer fake “degrees” in exchange for real money. Potential “students” are attracted by the promise of plentiful jobs with fat paychecks and benefits in the tech sector when they graduate. Often times the “degrees” offered are in fake disciplines like “machine learning” or areas that do not yet exist like “artificial intelligence”.
Good one dad, you had me fooled, for a minute there I was thinking of enrolling in an online university. I saw this one called Udacity that looks awesome, you don’t just graduate with a degree, instead you get a nanodegree when you’re done, assuming you are current on tuition and don’t have any outstanding parking tickets. Should I go for it, I was thinking machine learning as a major to start?
Timmy timmy soft and skinny you the boy I’d sell for a pinny. hah! Funny limerick right? I wouldn’t really sell you for a penny but I might for three thousand dollars and guess what 3k is exactly what it gonna cost you for this so called “nanodegree”. I was once like you, young and handsome and so naive. I thought a nano degree sounded cool too, I mean hell yes, that is a 10^-9 degree not some fucking micro degree like the pussies get. You can take your 10^-6 degree and jerk off with it. A mother fuckin nano degree in machine fucking learning. Sweet dude. This thing is my ticket to the big time. Sign me up! At the same time I am thinking…ahhh yeaahhhh! UDACITY is at it again. Nanodegree me bitches. The only thing hotter than machine learning right now is AI. Imagine the power of the double major in machine learning and AI. With two nanodegrees in your pocket there is no telling where you could go. Definitely not the unemployment line. For sure not that. No way. Never. At the time my manager at Arby’s Mr. Simmonds had made me really angry when he said I could hang my nanodegree in the men’s bathroom since it “matched the decor” but then later told me to take it down. He is such a jerk. One time I told him I was an expert in machine learning and he said “could a machine learn to suck my dick?” while gesticulating in a masturbatory fashion with his left hand. Then when I told him I had a nanodegree in the topic he said “good for you, a perfect match for your nano sized cock” and then laughed and laughed and laughed. I am gonna show him someday, just you wait Mr. Simmonds with my nanodegrees in my pocket and a smile on my face the world is my oyster.
Finally the Degree I Have Been Waiting for My Whole Life
To get ahead in today’s economy you need a degree, and not just any degree will cut it. Any old schlub can go to…
Udacity does rock, go fightin Udes! but they can’t be the only game in town, are there any competitor schools like Udacity I might want to look into?
Normally I would punch in the face for even suggesting there might be a thing that could hold a candle to my alma mater Udacity. However, in this case I will give you a pass because in fact there is such a “competitor” “university”, Udemy. As you might imagine there is quite a rivalry between these two young and hungry upstarts. Check out some of the banter on a popular university chat room students of both schools are said to frequent.
Bam! Take that Udemy! That’s how we do it at Udacity. You drop a degree in data science and machine learning and we take your ass to school with a nano, read it bitch n-a-n-o, nanodegree in data analysis. And guess what punk this is a data analyst nanodegree mother fuckin plus. And you know what the plus means right little baby? Don’t cry now Udemy, I know you want to go hold hands with your ba ba ITT Tech but they busy peeing themselves right now. The plus means we get the chumps normal tuition plus around 3k more. Suck on that Udemy. Some go to Udawho some go to Udewhat some go to Udewhy but only assholes go to Udemy. Ouch! It rhymes and it stings.
Good stuff, hell of a rivalry alright. Read the two things linked below if you want to know more, or if you bored, or if you crazy, or if you a glutton for punishment, or if you any combination of the above. Also if you like how I drop into street slang outta da blue like dat just wait cause shit bout to go nutz.
This is Really the (Nano)Degree I Have Been Waiting for My Whole Life
It turns out I might have jumped the gun just a tad with an earlier post in which I proclaimed loudly that the degree I…
The First Shots Have Been Fired in The Udawars
It is an all out war in the heavyweight division of for profit online “universities” offering “degrees” (sorry nano…
I have heard some people call these schools scams or rip-offs, how can they be allowed to live after lying to people like that dad?
You see Timmy because of Obama and Hillary and the east coast liberal elite in cahoots with the New York Times all of America has become pussified. Due to this pussification we are no longer allowed to pacify with extreme prejudice any portion of the population we disagree at will. Yeah I know it sucks but welcome to Obama’s America. If it were up to me anyone who said bad word one about Udacity would have to eat Udashitties off their grandma Udatitties, then they would be taken out back and shot. Have a look at some of the traitorous garbage they are spreading online (linked below).
Beware of Educational Scam on Facebook Targeting Desperate Job-Seekers
POSTED:APR 27 2017 10:45PM EDT UPDATED:APR 28 2017 07:45AM EDT
Damn Dad those were some slanderous lies weren’t they?
Fuck yes they were Timmy. Now come over here and bring me my switch, you about to get an ass whuppin, you know you are not allowed to use the D-word, no fucking swearing up in this God Damn bitch dick turd, got it?