An Apology to Neuroscientists

Dear Neuroscientists:

I recently wrote a rather scathing response to an article I read that made me slightly angry. I only made it through the title and the first paragraph before I threw up in my mouth and passed out, but when I did finally wake up I was a bit perturbed. I went a little overboard in my criticisms of the author and implied that he was somehow involved as a co-author of one of those “neuroscientists locate (X) in the brain using brain imaging techniques” papers. You know the ones that seem to come out a few times each week featuring PET scans or SPECT or whatever , where X is some thing with no agreed upon definition, that crosses multiple logical/ontological categories, like criminality or justice. They typically have what many consider somewhat small sample sizes, around n=10 or so. In any event I have no reason to believe that the author of the ridiculously misguided and totally off the reservation article I was replying to has ever had anything to do with such pseudo scientific garbage.

In my (totally unfounded) criticism of the author, I unintentionally tarnished the reputation of the entire field of neuroscience and all neuroscientists by suggesting they were complicit in these crap ass bonkers whack papers that are riddled with methodological and other problems. I then further compounded the issue by intentionally asking the question “What happened to your profession?”, and answering for all neuroscientists by saying that neuroscience had “too many Patricia Churchland’s and not enough Robert Shulman’s and M.R. Bennet’s I guess.” I guess indeed. Pat C. is a fine neuroscientist and philosopher. Her book Neurophilosophy: Toward a Unified Science of the Mind Brain is really great, at being wrong about everything. Not many books can have a logical error in the actual title but my mind brain hurts so much I can’t remember what it is. The more Pat C.’s the better is what I always say and neuroscience should be proud to call her one of their own. Philosophy on the other hand should run. Run as far away as you can and hide. Do not let Pat C. find you, she will destroy you.

Finally, I really must apologize for associating you with the computech elite. Of all my regrets this is without a doubt the biggest. I said, and I quote “ run as far away from the computech elite as fast as you can. They are sucking you down into a pit of crap science from which you may never escape.” This was a way out of line and totally unjustified statement which once again made it appear as if all neuroscientists were somehow sleeping with silicon valley tech gurus and giving them bj’s for ten bucks or something. Clearly not all neuroscientists are doing this, only a large majority of them. I am sorry for that and I think deep neuroscience would be a fine name for a new field of something or other.

Apologies again,

Dan