Buttchuggers™ Has Arrived

At ButtChuggers™ we know how busy you are. Who has the time these days for all that chewing and swallowing they make you do at those other places. And tasting things is so 1990s. Don’t even get us started about how long it takes to get plastered. What a pain. This is the year 2016. It’s time for a better way. With our patented food liquefaction process (FLiP®) and direct injection high velocity butt funnels you can eat and drink without all that extra work. Spend more time socializing or just get wasted faster. Come to ButChuggers® and discover the joy of having it all..in the butt

Coming this fall. A food revolution will finally arrive. ButtChuggers is proud to introduce another new signature creation. The ButtChugger ButtPlugger™ We take three sticks of whole butter, a pound of gooey mozzarella cheese, onion, garlic, hot peppers, and spicy mustard and blend it to a fine purée using ButtChuggers patented process. Then we jam a funnel in your anus. At this point you might be saying. So what? That’s just how ButtChuggers always does it. Blend food, insert funnel, blah, blah, blah. It’s old hat by now. What makes the ButtPlugger® unique? Quite simply with every other ButtChugger product the force of gravity is how we deliver such delicious food and crazy drinks directly to the anal cavity. The ButtPlugger® can be pushed into your butt crack at speeds and with forces far exceeding what is achievable when using traditional gravity fed only delivery systems. Every ButtPlugger meal order comes with a patented vacuum assist evacuator. It can be hooked to any standard ButtChugger butt funnel and used to pump all the air out of the lower intestine, anal cavity, and butt funnel hose. This creates a vacuum which upon release acts to draw the ButtChugger product into the user with explosive force. Whoa! Slow down Einstein. Vacuum? Force? I dropped out of school after eighth grade. The homework was just too brutal. Don’t worry you don’t need to be a scientist or even have the ability to read or write to experience the awesome power of the ButtPlugger. You only need one thing, a mostly functional anus and $6.99. $7.99 with extra hot peppers. If we can shove a funnel in it. You are good to go. So come on down to ButtChuggers this fall and prepare to be blown away. ButtChuggers. Come to ButtChug. Leave with a ButtPlug. And for the little ones out there. Don’t worry. with every child size ButtPlugger order you get a free ButtMugger™ plush toy. That other place has a burglar with a hamburger face. We have a mugger with a butt for a head. It’s no contest. Winner by way of knockout. ButtChuggers.

Written by

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store