Buttchuggers™ is Coming

“Hey bro.” Yo dude what’s up? “Nothin man. It’s Friday what ya wanna do tonight?” I don’t know. Score some blow hit a bar, find some hookers, the typical Friday shit. “Damn bro that scene is so played out. When is there gonna be something new to do in this shit town?” Hey did you hear about that place that just opened up next to that old Walmart on third and main? “The Walmart where the cops shot that dude last week?” The very same bro. “Whoa that’s a swanky part of town you think guys like us could really get in?” Prob. The thing is I heard its kind of weird. “What ya mean by weird?” Well I heard instead of serving food and liquor and shit that people eat normally by like eating and drinking with their mouths they serve all their product directly in the butt. “Shut the fuck up bro. No way. That’s fuckin insane. Who the fuck would wanna do that?” I guess you get fucked up quicker or some shit like that. No idea bout the food thing. “Dude we gotta go.” I’m in let’s hit it.

“Hey Janie have you heard about this new bar coming to town, Buttchuggers?” Of course Jill everybody has by now. It’s the place where you get drunk in the butt. “That sounds interesting Janie but how exactly does it work?” First don’t worry, Buttchuggers has specially trained staff on hand to help anyone experience the joy of drinking in the butt. The process is fairly simple. You pull down your pants then stand on your head or you can choose to lay on your back and pull your legs over your head. “That sounds hard, I’m no gymnast.” You don’t have to be, Buttchuggers staff are right there with you guiding you through the entire process. “That’s good I usually need a lot guidance. I couldn’t even get my bra on this morning without my boyfriends help. I never knew you had to rub oil on your breasts for ten minutes first. “You are such a ditz Jill. Anyway after you are in the right position a specially designed funnel is inserted in the anus.” Whoa Janie, ouch that sounds painful, does it hurt?, Tim tried put his thing in there once and I almost passed out from the pain and you know they call him Tiny Tim for a reason. “Well it is a little uncomfortable at first but the funnel is heavily lubed and ergonomically designed, after a while the process even starts to feel good, but don’t tell Steve I said that. He might get the wrong idea.” Cross my heart Janie my lips are sealed. It really sounds neat! Lets go tonight but Janie “what Jill?” Leave Steve at home, ok? “Of course I will silly you know I refuse to be seen with him in public.”

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Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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