Can We Have Our Admins Back Now?

An Open Letter to Former Administrative Professionals

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Dear former administrative professionals,

We are writing this letter to ask you all if you would be willing to accept our sincere apologies and return to work en masse. Though it pains us to admit it, the evidence is clear that our experiment in “do it yourself” office administration has utterly and totally failed. In retrospect it should have been obvious that asking other working professionals who specialize in areas not related to organizing and booking travel, preparing expense reports, ordering supplies for the office and break room, invoicing, billing, party planning, birthday tracking, gift giving, and any other miscellaneous shit that needs doing around the office, was a very stupid idea. It turns out that nobody else wants or is capable of doing all these so called “menial” tasks and the software packages that were supposed to help us do them for ourselves all pretty much blow, and blow hard. The less said about the expense and travel software the better. In any event we are now spending more time on administrative tasks on a monthly basis then we are on our actual jobs. As you can imagine this has not been a good thing for efficiency, productivity, or company morale.

When we made the decision to stop using admins we thought our reasoning was rock solid. The financials seemed an open and shut case. Why pay a person (salary + benefits) to do your expense reports when you can pay for machine learning software or an AI to do it for a fraction of the cost and no long term commitment or benefits to worry about? The answer it seems is twofold. First, we were shocked to discover that machines can’t learn and AI’s do not actually exist. Second the modern computer hardware and software packages called machine learning and AI can’t do it any better then we can. That finding was a real bummer because frankly we suck at it, suck bad. We are always fucking up and not keeping our receipts or entering the wrong shit in the wrong column or can’t recall if a hotel receipt needs to be itemized or even how the fuck to do an itemization. In any event, we hope that you will consider returning to work soon before we have another aneurysm from the stress of spending 4 hours on the last day of each month searching for the receipt from the vending machine at the airport from our trip to Vegas last week.

Sincerely,

(Non Admin) Working Professionals of America

Written by

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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