Cat Transfer

Two Kittens, Three Countries

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Figure 1. Highly technical schematic detailing the intricate web of interconnected political, economic, and social links of Russia, Australia, and the United States, specifically as it pertains to the allowance or not of cat transfers. Importantly for purposes of this piece transfers of kittens is currently only permitted between two of the three countries highlighted.
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Kitten #1 — Age ~6 months. Name [Redacted] Ocean (see the text for more explanation than I am sure you care to read about on cat naming conventions). I call him Bluebot. Though he looks a bit like a four legged bat I can assure you he is all kitten with a rambunctious personality. If you own nice things this is not the cat for you. Also, if giant hairless rats scare you, probably not the best choice. Did I mention you need to wash them at least 3–5x/week? Their skin is very oily and greasy. They get really bad acne if not washed a lot. You think he is ugly now? Wait until half his body looks like a 12 year old boys face.
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Kitten #2 —[Redacted] Primrose, Age 4.5 months. I call her Brownsby. It is pronounced Browns-bee the y has an ee sound like in Mandy or Candy. Yes I know it is not grammatically correct, cut me some slack already, Geez. She is tiny and soo cute. Kidding she is tiny and very ugly but still “cute” in a way, I guess.
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Figure 1. Page one of the breed standards for Sphynx cats. Sphynx Show Standard (revised 2015), ©2017 The Cat Fanciers’ Association, Inc.®
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Brownsby in all her weirdness standing at attention. Despite her unusual appearance she is truly a sweetheart of a cat. Unlike her brother she is calm and cool as a cucumber. Nothing seems to phase her. Luckily cats have only shown sporadic self awareness via the standard mirror test. Probably best to keep Brownsby far from any just in case.
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Bluebot in his default mode, preparing to destroy something. His energy level was tuned to 11 and I think the dial got stuck or something. From this angle he almost looks like a normal cat, almost. Just today I saw him jump from a table to a couch that was a good 4 feet away. Unfortunately he only made it about 3 feet 8 inches and head butted the back of the back of it. He hit the ground fairly hard but quickly stood up, gave a shake of the head to clear the cobwebs, and proceeded to knock over a vase of flowers that I could have sworn were ten feet away on a table not ten seconds earlier. He is as fast as he is ugly.
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Figure 2. Want to transfer 2 kittens from Russia to Australia? This is how you do it. Also, probably a good idea to brush up on your Russian language skills first.

Written by

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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