Cat Transporter 2

In Which I Meet an Unnamed Russian Courier at the Airport to Take Delivery of Two Kittens from Kaliningrad

Long time readers may remember a story I published many moons ago entitled “Cat Transfer.” It was a runaway smash hit on Medium garnering 109 page views and 2 claps in just five months. Of course 100 of those views can be attributed to the fact that the title of the story had the word “cat” in it. Clearly it was very popular, and it continues to rake in views and claps at the rate of 0–1/month to this very day. As one might expect, my fans have been clamoring for a follow up piece. Until now, I have hesitated as I did not want to tarnish the legacy of such a beloved story with some hacky sequel obviously only written to cash in on the popularity of the original. I am not that kind of writer, I have dignity. In fact, I am not a writer at all, which should be obvious from my previous statement re: having dignity. In any event by popular demand I present to you the following, ongoing, currently in progress story about yet another cat transfer from Russia to Australia.

Tomorrow, I head to the airport to meet the private courier from Russia

hired by the purchaser of said cats (two hairless Sphynx kittens, gross but kind of cute still) to accompany them from Kaliningrad to the United States. For complicated and boring reasons any cats being imported to Australia from Russia need to come through another third country first. This elite group of Australian government authorized cat transfer nations includes the United States. If you are a glutton for punishment you can read the original snooze-fest for the excruciating details as to why this is the case.

I must admit to some nervousness as the courier refused to give his name or any other contact information. My instructions are simply to go to baggage claim and hold a sign reading “Kittens” at which point he will find me and make the transfer. I have been told there have been quite a few ‘misunderstanding’ with respect to this deal already, mostly due to language issues. The sums of money involved (substantial, >$10k for the pair), coupled with the secrecy of the courier and the high potential for misunderstood intentions, has my mind imagining some less than innocent scenarios. In the most common, the ‘kittens’ are actually drugs or weapons and the ‘courier’ is a Russian mobster or subordinate.

Normally the prospect of receiving a crate full of drugs would fill me with anticipation and excitement. However, doing such a deal at a busy airport with an unknown Russian (a country with a spotless international reputation and long time friend of the United States —note: I am being ironic) mobster would most likely be a bad idea.

Explaining my involvement in such a caper would be difficult to say the least. I swear I thought I was here to pick up two kittens from Kaliningrad officer, does not sound all that believable when you say it out loud. In any event, I have documentation, including this post now, to back me up so wish me luck, My follow up piece will either be written from my bedroom at home or the computer lab at Levenworth.