Geez Heather. Powerful stuff as per usual. I must admit I can not pretend to imagine what it is like to actually live life as an overweight person, especially an overweight female. I can however speak to the pain of feeling fat. That sounds so shitty and pretentious does it not? How can I, a 120 pound bag of bones, even think to understand the position of an actual “fat” person? It’s really scary to be honest. It’s really sad. I guess it says a lot about our society and/or even more about my mental weakness. I feel fat everyday of my life. I hate it. When I look in the mirror with my shirt off all I see are my scars and fat. My sister was anorexic. I guess I am too. Even as a write these words I recognize how ridiculous and wrong they are and yet my brain remains unconvinced. So what if I am fat? So what if anyone is?
Sounds like the right attitude. The correct and just position. Unfortunately no matter what is right, what is just, what is fair, I still beat myself up over how I look. Rationality takes a back seat to vanity every time. Why? I wish I had an answer. Until I find the answer I will keep looking in the mirror and cringing. Continue to judge myself and others in the harshest possible terms based only on their appearance. I read what I just wrote and I am disgusted. Then I look in the mirror again and the disgust grows. Why?