Gillette Scientists Announce Breakthrough in Decades Long Quest to Develop Planck’s Razor

Blades Said to Cut Beard Hairs to the Smallest Possible Measurable Unit of Distance from the Face

Image for post
Image for post

Prototype Expected By Year’s End

Gillette scientists announced a major breakthrough today in their decades long quest to develop the so called Planck’s razor. The until now only theoretical razor would give a man the closest shave possible in the universe based on our current understanding of the physical laws which underlie it. The beard hair would be cut at the smallest possible measurable unit of distance (Planck’s length) from the face resulting in a face actually smoother than a baby’s bottom. In fact, if the models describing the razor are accurate, the Planck’s razor shaved face would be 10²² times smoother than a baby’s bottom which actually has microhairs at the molecular level which can be sensed by human touch. Human senses are nowhere near sensitive enough to detect any facial hair on the Planck’s razor shaved face, and it is said such a face would feel like glass or silk to the touch. The scientists noted that any man who had such a silky smooth face would be a hit with the ladies since everyone knows “they go crazy for a cleanly shaven man.” The breakthrough is said to have come when Gillette researchers discovered how to create a near infinite repeating layer of attomolecular razors (1 attometer = 1 x 10^-18 meters). The layers of tiny razors are separated by flexible carbon nanotubes that act as molecular springs allowing each attolayer to “float” just above the layer below it, and just above the lowest level of skin molecules at the surface of the face. If not for these springs the razors sharpness would immediately slice to ribbons any face which it even glanced upon. Concerns about safety, and the bloodshed that could occur should the nanosprings fail, have kept Gillette scientists from constructing a prototype. However, that prohibition may soon end and we may yet see Planck’s razors for sale in local supermarkets within the year. Gillette expects them to retail for $8,000 per pack of six blades or $10,000 for eight. The high price will be a barrier for many but considering each blade is expected to last well beyond 300 years before dulling it may be worth the investment over the lifetime of the average hairy faced man.

Written by

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store