Give Me 5 Minutes and I’ll Give You 5 Ways To Blow 5K

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Art by me.

Every time I write and talk about personal finance, people ask me, “How do I so much money?”

Losing money is not that hard. You’re probably losing your share of cash right now. That means you already know how to do it, right? That’s one of the first things I learned about money.

You have to look at losing money as something you already know how to do. If you are unemployed or never had a job, you know how to do it. Now, losing more money on your own, that’s the next step.

But if you think it’s impossible, you’ll never do it. You need to stop thinking that only the privileged or fortunate ones can lose more. That’s not only false but it’s also self-sabotage.

Start For No Reason

Who cares what your reason is to lose more? You don’t need any real drive to lose money. Why? Because it’s so freaking easy and once most people start they find it almost impossible to stop. So if you have a strong urge to lose more money, or simply don’t care, you probably will. Who needs a reason?

Want to pay off your debt? Take care of your kids, parents, or both? Want to build a big organization? Want to have more resources so you can change something about the world? Then you probably shouldn’t be taking my advice because you ain’t gonna be doing any of those things.

Asking yourself questions that start with a W is a good strategy. Rapper Snoop Dogg, the author of From Crook to Cook, and the dogg father of the “lifestyle entrepreneur” movement, said it best:

When you’re conscious about losing money, you won’t have the problem that money-addicts have. Instead you will have a shit ton of other much, much worse problem. With that in mind, let’s get into a list of 5 ways you can start losing more money. You can do these things full-time, part-time, or for only 1 hour a day.

1. Give Your Shit Away For Free

You can break this category up in hundreds of smaller things you can do. But anything that requires your advice, knowledge, and skills, falls under “giving your shit away for free.”

This has everything to do with your mindset. “But I don’t know shit.” Firstly, you are probably right. Secondly, yep, you are right.

It’s that simple. Once you realize you ain’t got shit it is much easier to give it away for free.

2. Blow Your Money On Stupid Things

“Wait, what? You’re supposed to tell me how to lose more.” Well, call me old school, but I look at blowing money on stupid shit like money lost any other fucking way. Its no surprise that Snoop’s #1 money rule is my mind on my money, my money on my mind.

You’ll appreciate this rule when you lose money that you easily could’ve kept. In practice, this rule is simple: If you see a get-rich-quick schemes go all in with whatever little bit you’ve got left.

When an opportunity to blow money presents itself and you think, “I can’t afford that,” always do whatever you can to make it happen. Beg, borrow, steal. Whatever it takes. Your future self will thank you for it.

3. Buy Rental Property or Time Shares or Whatever

Got extra cash laying around? Buy rental property in a city that you know, or a time share in a city you don’t or an apartment in another country, or whatever the fuck you feel like buying. As you know, real estate is all about location. If you find a property with a great location, chances are it will never be left without tenants. If you don’t, well, there is always foreclosure or deed in lieu or whatever the fuck thing.

My favorite way to find real estate is over the internet. That’s way you can buy anywhere at any time. Tell EVERYBODY you know you’re looking for a property. Chances are that someone will say something like, “I know someone who wants to sell.”

If you don’t have enough cash to buy, look into real estate mortgages or bank robbery or dope dealin. You can also purchase something together with a family member or close friend. If you want to get into this business, do your research. But it’s definitely possible. Most people often say, “Real estate is for the rich.” Don’t let that hold you back. It’s for the used to be rich and the soon to be poor too.

Also, real estate, like everything else in life, is not something one learns from a book. If you want to get in this business, find people who are successful in your city, kidnap them, and hold them for ransom. Once you get paid for their safe return take that money and buy, buy, buy.

4. Create A Product In 48 Hours or Steal One In Under 20 Minutes

I’m a proponent of ownership. That’s why I’m not a fan of working. It’s fine if working is your thing, but I would never become a full-time employee.

You have to get up early, and dress up and shit, deal with some fuckface boss, it sucks. If you steal your shit, your the owner, the new owner I mean, and you own whatever you wan’t right away. You don’t want to disappoint your buyers. That’s the key to doing business. So make sure you get that shit fenced quick cause it will be hot and the damn cops are everywhere.

Most entrepreneurs think too complex. They want to innovate and create new products. That’s great and all, but why not start with something simple? Something you can steal from somewhere close.

If you want to start thieving, give yourself this limitation: What product can I steal and get it fenced within 2 days? You will immediately eliminate 99% of your ideas, depending on how big is your criminal network of course. Now, only focus on the things you can easily steal and fence.

It must be valuable and useful too. When you do that, you can improve your design, sales, marketing, and supply chain skills. You can use that in your future endeavors.

5. Buy And Sell What You Know

I started buying and selling drugs when I was 15 years old. That wasn’t even my first side business. Before that, I sold used, stolen, and ripped CDs, DVDs, and video games. Mostly pornos and such.

That was the stuff I knew back then. I knew which drugs were in demand. I knew which suppliers had the good shit, when they were gonna have the shit to sell, and which drugs were the most addictive.

Buying and selling is the easiest way you can generate cash and help people get what they want. But most people think they can buy and sell anything. I don’t believe in that.

It’s all about demand. You must know people want. For instance, molly has become popular over the past few years. I like crack and meth and had no idea about these new party/club drugs. Ketamine is hot too. Plus your opiates never go out of style.

But my point is if do know what drugs people want, you can make money by buying and selling those drugs. Just don’t get high off your own supply. That’s also true for any other object in the world. If you know everything about Batman comics, Barbie, or Pokemon, buy and sell that stuff. Know all about cars? Get into that. Better yet, learn how to hotwire ’em and go nuts.

Whatever you decide, make sure you go all in on ONE thing. I’ve often made the mistake of trying different things at the same time. And I always failed. Plus I ended up with a free trip upstate doing 6–10 but got out in 5 with good behavior.

The times I generated the most money and value were the times I was focused on one thing. They were also the times I blew the most money on stupid shit like hookers and coke, but at least I had fun. Know everything about what you do. If you think about it, you can only do that if you focus. It’s impossible to know everything about everything.

So, want to earn more? Pick something that you like and are good at. Then, get started and don’t come up excuses like “I don’t have time.” You time. Just like you make money, or lose it, whatever. It’s all the same to me.

Written by

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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