Hostess Scientists Announce Major Breakthrough
Hostess scientists announced a major breakthrough today when they unveiled a possible solution to the so called Zinger boundary problem that has halted major advances in sugar filled snack cake research for over two decades now. The Zinger boundary represents the maximum density of refined sugar that can be packed into a snack cake before it becomes so dense that it begins to collapse in on itself forming a black donut hole, a cake so dense that a single teaspoon would way as much as six neutron stars. It takes its name from the famous Hostess Zinger snack cake which still holds the record for the closest approach to the boundary, later named in its honor. The solution is still only hypothetical, however, the team, comprised of food scientists, physicists, and mathematicians was hopeful though modest in their expectations that the proposed solution will hold up to actual experimentation where previous attempts had ended in disaster. Lead scientist Dr. Stephen Fills of Hostess said of the discovery “Today we have reached an approximate and still hypothetical solution to the Zinger boundary problem. We would like to thank Seymour-Cray for allowing us the use of the Summit supercomputer to complete the calculations. The full equation describing the solution required 17 man hours to code into Summit and 1 full week at the highest possible computational speed to complete. Surprisingly the answer was much less complex then we had anticipated and hinges on an until now underappreciated factor known as the icing constant. By reducing the icing constant to levels just shy of the cream filling ratio we can expand the intra-atomic space within the molecules that comprise the majority of the superstructure of the cake. Once this expansion occurs it appears an addition of even more refined sugar, to a level just above the Zinger boundary, will be possible. Of course only a madman would attempt such a thing as the dangers are grave indeed. Yet, the rewards are well worth the risk and we at Hostess have never shied away from danger, or from any technique that would allow us to pack more sugar into a snack cake.” With that Dr. Fills bowed his head, turned and left the podium.