Tired of slaving away up to 45 minutes a day cranking out listicles and blog posts about your kids latest bout with gastroenteritis? Sick of watching everybody else get famous while you still live at home with your parents and drive you mom’s car? Get so angry you want to commit genocide every time another shit piece from The Mission racks up 100K + views, while they luxuriate in applause and adulation from their 250K + followers? Me too. I finally had enough and believe I have found THE SECRET to stat boosting glory.
I have spent the past ten minutes thinking about this problem and have devised an ingenious plan to automatically and instantly,boost your follower numbers into the stratosphere. You did read that correctly, I said automatically and instantly…into the stratosphere. How exactly did I come up with this visionary and bold idea you ask? I’m no legendary 1970s mustachioed porn star Elon Musk you think. Perhaps not, but unlike Mr. Musk I do live at home with my parents and I do drive my mom’s car, so I have what we in the business call motivation. It was that motivation, combined with what I can only call a piece of divine intervention that led me to the breakthrough I will reveal for the first time, today, in this very post. For on this very day I picked up a brand new follower, and it’s name was open championship 2017. Slow down there Einstein you are probably thinking. Open championship 2017 is a sporting event? How can an it possibly be a follower? It’s complicated. hah! It’s complicated. Get it? hah! Get it? Funny shit. I could go on like that forever but I digress. Link below for the post that gives the lowdown on the new follower.
But now what you have all been waiting for…….the big reveal of my big, bold, new idea to gain more followers on Medium. It’s simple really, the way I see it if a sporting event can be a follower why not any other inanimate object, or event, or idea, heck even a theory or hypothesis could be a follower. The only thing you are limited by is your own imagination. Here are some that I came up with. No stealing. These are mine. I am watching you.
My new followers on Medium:
The theory of Evolution, The feeling you get when you smell freshly cut grass, The feeling you get when you smell grass just after it rains, Sense of self worth, Beauty, Arrogance 2016, Paper money, Liquid water, Helium, Finger Nails, Domestic partners, Kid Rock’s butt crack sweat, The meaning of life, Death, Death 2010 the re-deathening, Anthrax the bacterium, Anthrax the band-the concept, Nose hairs, etc., The concept of etc., The idea of etc., The letters that make up the abbreviation etc., The question-What does etc. stand for, etc.
I hope you see that I could go on and on and on, and you can too. If you are really smart and know how to use a computer or have access to a younger person who does you could even use one of those fancy random word generators and string together a bunch of random words to make nonsense terms. Just put the words..A new term “insert random words” and blam-o instant follower.
Please pass along this THE SECRET to all of your old and soon to be new followers on Medium and before you know The Mission gonna be wishin it had gone fishin instead of pissin you off. Lol! Awesome. Good stuff and good luck! I am off to the car store to do some window shopping. Gotta be ready when those first checks start rolling in. Also, def gonna swing the Fit through the ole Arby’s d-thru, really could go for one of their Gyro’s right now, and a small mountain dew.