I am sorry you were treated in a manner that clearly upset you and it is obvious you had a number of bad experiences with some asshole men. That said the tone of the piece with its implication that all men behave like this was frankly offensive. I could do without the cliche “add one more notch to the bedpost” crack as well. I get it, some men are jerk offs and treated you poorly. I might even be willing to go so far as to accept that many of us are assholes. However, this lumping of all men into the shithead category has got to stop. How many men actually did this to you? You say it happened ‘many times’, how many is that? out of how many pleasant experiences? Was it 90% of the time or 5%, out 5 similar situations or out of 50? I am going to go out on a limb and guess 3 or 4 out of 7 or 8 at most times did this exact or a similar situation actually happen to you in your twenties. At least 1 or 2 of those times one or both of you were shit faced. None of that is meant to belittle you or imply that being drunk or high is any excuse for boorish behavior. I am just asking that you contextualize at least a little. If my numbers are even close that is close to half of your kissing encounters with men that went poorly. Not exactly numbers to celebrate but a lot less than all or even most.

Pressuring a woman into having sex honestly strikes me, and I gotta believe most other men, as one of the least sexy things one could imagine. It is such a huge turnoff in fact that it is making me throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it. There simply cannot be that many men who are so desperate for sex that they think to themselves “she obviously thinks I am gross and is not in to me in the least, but she is letting me kiss her, probably out of pity. I can use that, now let me just apply a little pressure and next thing you know I can bust out that bed post notching knife I have been dying to use. What if she resists? No problem man I’ll just go with the old name calling and humiliation route, that always works. But what name? Oh I know an oldie but goodie, prick tease. Brilliant, you are the man, time to get me some. I sure hope she gives blow jobs as long as she kisses.”

Yes I know, men and their sexual desires, we just can’t control ourselves. When our hormones kick in we lose all control and our tiny brains, which only ever think about sex, stop working entirely. Of course we wouldn’t think such things because we do not think, at least not when it comes to sex. Therefore I will provide the translation of the above for you in stereotypical man shame format. She kiss me, she like me, me like her, she think me gross but still kiss, that nice of her, me want fuck now, no think any more. Goo goo ga ga. Bed post notch. She no want me, no understand, brain not work right, too horny, me think she do like me. Me try harder now. Me confused, No fuck now? Prick tease.

It is a wonder we can make it through a day without jerking off from 9 to 5 given how much we think about sex. I don’t know how we manage to have jobs, and friends, even female friends, gasp!, with the giant erections we constantly have from all that thinking about sex. Plus the bed post notching competitions with our bros take up a lot of time and energy. Finally, thinking of new and interesting ways to pressure women into the sack isn’t easy, I mean prick tease can only get you so far.

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Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/mol biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

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