I Have Achieved Absolute Max Level Productivity

Most people said I was crazy when I told them of my plans to achieve absolute max level productivity and institute a 168 hour workweek. Others called me stupid, an idiot, insane, mad, or said it was impossible, or outrageous, or told me my plan would get me killed as it was just plain not healthy. I have proven the naysayers and the doom & gloomers wrong. I can report that the 168 hour workweek is doable and now you too can share the secrets to my success and enjoy all the benefits that come with working nonstop all day every day for seven days (168 hours) per week.

I thought it might be helpful, particularly for any newcomers to the world of max level productivity, to give a little background information on my quest and its theoretical underpinnings. I will try and keep the math simple since I realize many of my readers have below average IQs and short attention spans. Currently the laws of physics do not allow for a work week with a time greater than the total number of hours available in a week. This number (max level productivity or pMax) is fixed at 168 hours. pMax can thus be described by the equation pMax = 168h (the famous pMaxwell equation). Through a complicated series of conversions and various substitutions with other physical and mathematical parameters the pMaxwell equation can be re-written as pM = 168. Don’t fret over the details as they are not really important. The important thing to remember is the number of hours (168). This number cannot (currently) be exceeded. Some of you (most likely not) may have read or heard about some recently published work suggesting that it might be possible to achieve a productivity level greater than 168 hours. Technically this is correct but there is no currently feasible way to generate the amount of input energy required (equivalent to about 1 x 10^9 solar masses) to rend the fabric of space-time. Time travel (back to the past) has also been suggested as a possible way to exceed pMax but any future time traveler would run up against the seemingly inscrutable problem of the the productivity paradox and so for now at least it exists only in the realm of science fiction.

I will leave these highly theoretically flights of fancy aside for the moment and focus solely on the here and now. In the realm of what is currently possible the 168 hour week has now been conclusively demonstrated as possible. While I am a bit tired I can also report that I have accomplished more items on my to do list this past week then ever in my previously weak and pathetic 40–70 hour workweeks. If any pretender wants to step up and tell me about how it is impossible to be successful in today’s world without working at least 80 hours per week I can laugh, politely inform them of how pitiful their efforts are, tell them to suck it, and walk away feeling like a bigger man. I am looking at you mustachioed 1970s porn star Elon Musk.

Truly this is a historic day. Now I sleep, after that it’a straight to rehab where I will be attempting to kick my brand new crippling meth habit.