I’m Sorry But This is F*#king Bullsh*^t
Are Research Scientists Ever Going to Do Anything About How Screwed We Get When it Comes to Pay?
Author’s note: I apologize in advance for the tirade that is about to ensue. Much foul language will surely be included and I will be foaming at the mouth and writing with clenched fists and jaws. My blood pressure will rise to dangerous levels and in the end I will feel no better. I love writing.
Let me pose a question for everyone’s consideration. Which would benefit the world more overall, 10,000 more developers or 10,000 more Ph.D. research scientists? If your answer is 10,000 more developers then congratulations the world you live in makes sense. The compensation that developers earn far, far, far, outstrips the compensation almost all working research scientists earn, or can ever hope to earn in an entire career. See above article for but one example. In my reality where the answer is obviously the second option, the world has gone completely bonkers mad. I mean batshit fucking crazy. Anyone who picked the first option please call a developer the next time you need a fundamental question about the nature of the universe answered, speaking for research scientists worldwide I say we are freakin done. This fuckin sucks, such bullshit. Crock of shit stew is what it is. On a full boil. Fuck.Constantly we get screwed. As scientists, we constantly get fucked, and we just smile and take it. Are we ever going to wake the fuck up and do something about this pay and benefits inequity. Answer: Fuck no b/c we are too damn busy saving the world or fucking bleaching our lab coats or whatever the fuck we are doing instead of anything about how screwed we constantly get. Damn. Crap on a fucking cracker. Sucks. And you know the worst thing about it. The absolute worst fucking thing is that they are all just laughing at us. Hell, they even took our name “scientist” slapped a data in front of it and whipped up an entire field of something which is not science or even anywhere fucking close to science and called it science, data mother fucking science. And guess how much fucking money these non scientist scientist mofos make? Way way way fucking more than actual scientists that is for damn sure. You see, call yourself a scientist when you are not, make a god damn fortune, actually be a scientist and be prepared to be driving your mom’s fucking car and living in a shithole apartment the rest of your life.
You want a real world example of just how screwed we get. Let me tell you a story about an eminent research scientist I know. He is a veritable living legend in the field of food microbiology and a dear friend and colleague of mine. In addition to his pioneering work in microbiology he has devoted a crap ton of his professional working life to giving back to the field and to science in general and has taught and trained scores of young research scientists, served on every important and influential committee, published an ungodly number of papers, books, articles, etc. and on top of all that is generally one of the nicest persons and finest human beings I have ever met. He may be the only person I currently know or have ever know about whom I have never, ever, not once heard any single person say an unkind word. A consummate professional and shining example of a human being. It is bonus season and my good friend and I got to talking about our respective payouts. Guess how important the company he currently works for thinks he is? Guess how much they think he is worth? The living legend, top mind, pre-eminent research scientist? 200 fucking bucks..gross, not net, but fucking gross. After taxes less than $100 freakin dollars. I mean for the love of all that is good and holy, wtf is wrong with the world? I don’t care if the company he worked for went bankrupt you gotta pay this man more than 200 fucking dollars, Geezus Christie and Josephine. What a fucking insult. Every fucking year this shit just goes on and on and on. Developers, non scientist scientists, finance executives, and the like keep raking it in while we research scientists sit around hypothesizing and experimenting and writing and publishing and teaching and all the other bullshit things we do for what, a freakin 200 fucking dollar bonus. Fuck it, I’m done. Bullshit.
Author’s postscript: After I got this out I stood up took a long shower and then returned to the keyboard. Of course I am not really done and I will continue to do my research scientist thing, and the world will go on. Nothing will likely change other than my blood pressure, which will continue to rise every time I think about some mother fucking developer or data scientist living it up on a private island while I drive my moms car to Arby’s for a beef Gyro and small Mountain Dew. A Mountain Dew which btw I can no longer get for Arby’s decided to switch to carrying Coke products. Those mother fuckin SOBs….lol!