“It had been a long day at London’s Google Campus. I was hungry. Before picking up a rented bike, I opened my own app and asked my neighbors at the apartment block what was cooking. I chose homemade macaroni and cheese from the guy on the floor above. I chipped in £6 and started pedaling. It had taken two years of relentless work to create this experience.”

Two years of relentless work. To create the experience of eating macaroni and cheese. Gosh. To think I had created the exact same experience in five minutes at home by pouring a box of Kraft Mac and cheese in a boiling pot of water. I suppose since I don’t work for Google my experience will never reach the exalted heights of the Mac and cheese eaten by our tech overlords.

My measly ten years of college, CDC fellowships, and graduate school could never prepare me for the intricacies of mastering Google ready Mac and cheese. If if only I had dedicated my life to being an asshole. Studied coding or computer science. Then I might have reached my ultimate objective of inventing an app. Fuck helping people. Fuck making the world a better place. I just need an app that will make me rich. Yeah!