Local Man Installs Intelligence on His Work Laptop

A historic milestone was achieved today when local man Ted Stevens became the first human person to successfully install intelligence on his work laptop. The installation of intelligence began at exactly 9:02 am EST when Ted clicked on the install.exe icon that was automatically displayed on the screen of his laptop following the insertion of a USB memory stick containing the intelligence into the back of the machine. Five minutes later, at exactly 9:07 am the installation was complete and Ted’s laptop became intelligent. “I didn’t think it would be as easy as all that.” said Mr. Stevens earlier today when reached for comment. “I got a notice last week from the vendor of an instrument I use everyday in the lab that a new software was being released and that I had been selected as a beta trial site. I asked what improvements were being made and that’s when they told me it was now intelligent. I gotta say I was a bit skeptical at first, but then I remembered reading about all the amazing advances in artificial intelligence and how they are everywhere nowadays and just figured we were finally catching up with the rest of the world. When I started the install I guess I was sort of thinking there would be some screaming or moaning or something, sort of like the pangs of childbirth. Instead all I heard was a soft ding signalling the installation was complete and telling me it was safe to remove my USB stick. As soon as it was over I asked the intelligent laptop some questions about philosophy and science that had been bothering me forever thinking it would almost certainly have the answers. No answers came though, and the laptop appeared for all intents and purposes to be exactly as it was prior to becoming intelligent. They told me this thing was educated at the best machine learning institutions in the world, but this is all I get?” At that point he sighed softly, looked down sadly at his newly intelligent laptop and hit the power off button once sending the intelligence into sleep mode. “Oh well, I guess I’ll just never understand how this artificial intelligence stuff works” This reporter was unable to obtain any comment from the intelligence itself as it has no mouth with which to give answers, or body to contain a mouth, or ability to understand questions.