My Retirement From Tech Bashing Apology Tour Continued
I’m Almost Done But I Have a Lot of Bashing To Atone For
Nanotechnology my old friend. How could I have treated you so poorly. It isn’t your fault that nano is a word that sounds really cool when put in front of any other word, particularly if it is a tech-hype buzzword. Try it, seriously, ready…do you like cryptocurrency? I bet you do, don’t you, it is a cool ass sounding word. Now put the word ‘nano’ in front of it. You might think cryptocurrency is awesome, and not at all stupid or a scam or a needlessly complicated train-wreck of an idea that might very well bankrupt the world economy and sink your retirement portfolio, but you will fucking going ape-shit crazy for nanocryptocurrency. It is just like cryptocurrency but 10^-9 times smaller, or is it bigger, I always get confused with my negative exponents. In any event please accept my apologies for all the stupid shit I said about you. Of all the items on the list you are the most real, so you have that going for you for sure.
Elon Musk. I am so sorry for always referring to you as mustachioed 1970s porn star Elon Musk. I really have no idea how you smell and inferring that no woman could resist your self generated aroma of desire was a total guess based on your hilarious name. Please relay my apology to your parents for suggesting they must have been smoking some serious doobage when they thought Elon would be a grand idea for a child who’s last name was Musk. Obviously they were correct and I was wrong. It is a very dignified and serious name befitting a very serious and dignified man. Also, you are a tremendous actor. I absolutely loved you as Captain Jack Harkness on the new Dr. Who. The way you captured the essence of the gay hero really spoke to me. It was like it was the part you were born to play. Below is a post for which I am really, truly, deeply sorry.
Bitcoin and blockchain, the b-brothers. I am sorry for calling you stupid, gay, so gay, and ultra gay. As I have explained many times even though I use the term gay in a derogatory fashion in reference to both of you I have nothing bad at all to say or think about actual gay people. I reserve this usage of the term for things I find gay, like you. Sorry about that. For one of the times I explained all this below are two posts for which I am very sorry.
Predictive analytics. I am so sorry for calling you gambling with computers and modern spreadsheet analysis (MSA). It is clear to me now that you are more than just a different way for gambling addicts and finance types to pretend they really are not feeding their addiction and/or doing the exact same thing they were doing ten years ago with excel spreadsheets and different computer programs/algorithms. You are truly a wonderful and unique new field of computing deserving of all the high praise and attention you get. I predict big things for you predictive analytics and I make that prediction without the use of predictive analytics or excel. I also predict you will not be all that psyched about me posting the below article again and therefore I must apologize once more before predicting the end of this section. That prediction did require the use of an excel spreadsheet and did not actually come to pass. Much like you I am very bad at predicting things.
Online Universities. As a double nanodegree holder in AI and ML from the elite UdaCity and UdaMy online universities I feel especially bad about all the mean things I said about these two paragons of three thousand dollar computer based fake universities. My own nanodegrees still hang in their places of honor over urinals #2 and #3 in the men’s bathroom of the Arby’s where I used to work. Definitely I am sorry about that.
Silicon Valley you deserve no apology from me or anyone and none will be forthcoming. You are a stinking cesspool of filth and rot. Nothing good has ever come out of you and nothing ever will. The only reason Satan has not taken up permanent residence is that even he can’t stand it and gets sick every time he has to visit (which is all the time). Fuck off.
7 Paths to Douchebaggery Guy. Sorry for that article of yours “7 Signs That Showed Me I’m On the Path To Success” that I renamed and re-wrote. I understand it really pissed you off something fierce. In any event I am reposting it below so others can read exactly what it was that made you so angry.
Belts without holes I am sorry for fearing a future in which you are the only option available for the beltless individual wishing to use a belt. But dammit I do fear that future, and I fear it as I fear nothing else. How many stories featuring belts with holes can a single individual pen in one lifetime. I do not know the answer, but I intend to find out.
