In my last (and only) “relationship” article I asked the question, is there anything more disingenuous or less sincere then the “I’m sorry but.” It turns out the answer is yes. The I’m not blaming you/it’s not your fault but, followed by all the reasons you are and it is, falls into the similar genre of tired, overused, and patently bogus argument maneuvers. Unlike the I’m sorry but however, the I’m not blaming you but, allows one to claim the superior moral position of not laying blame undeservedly at the feet of one’s arguing partner, while simultaneously allowing one to explain all the reasons they should be (but definitely are not) blaming you. If it just so happens that those non-reasons for non-blame are things for which you have apologized profusely already that is only a coincidence, and has nothing to do with the particular act for which you are currently not being blamed. I think the idea is ultimately to win the argument by attrition, because at least for me I get so confused trying to keep track of what I am not being blamed for, I can’t remember what the heck it is I am (not) guilty of doing, and trying to remember why I did all those terrible things in the past which have (nothing) to do with why I am currently (not) being blamed for the current (not) bad thing I did for which I am (not) being blamed. Before long my head starts spinning and I have to sit down. If I might suggest an alternative, simply withhold the explanations and caveats and let the matter drop. If you truly are not blaming the other person then why are you fighting at all. If one actually want to fight that is OK too, just choose a different tactic other than this confusing and ridiculous feint. Might I suggest a good old fashion insult?