This is Getting Out of Control Ridiculous

I was surprised to find among my fifty or so new followers for this afternoon, hidden amidst the bots and faceless corporations, a new breed of follower, the heretofore underappreciated literary aficionado, the professional sporting event. It seems that open championship 2017 is a fan of my work. While I am flattered that a major professional sporting event of such magnitude as the 2017 open championship would take an interest in the things I write about here I must say I am a bit confused.

This July Royal Birkdale will host The Open for the tenth time and welcome the world’s greatest golfers to one of the sport’s most renowned and challenging venues which sits on a stretch of beautiful linksland that runs almost uninterrupted for 20 miles north of Liverpool. The course was first established in 1889, but was extensively redesigned in 1922 by Fred Hawtree and JH Taylor to create the current layout, which winds its way through the sand dunes towering over each of the fairways. Since first hosting The Open in 1954, the course has been (alongside Royal Lytham) the most regular venue for the Championship other than St Andrews. At Birkdale’s first Open, Peter Thomson won the first of three in succession; he returned to the same course in 1965 to add his fifth and final title.

Given that fascinating background and history and my passing level of interest in the sport you would think I would be on top of the world to land such a prestigious event as a follower. And while, as I said, I am certainly flattered, how precisely does a professional golfing event follow a writer like myself? Does the Open Championship even know how to read? Normally a term describing a concept such as a “sporting event” is thought of as an inanimate object or of as existing only in the realm of the mind. Really it is a thorny philosophical topic which I could go into at great length and typically would (probably one of the reasons why the Open Championship decided to follow me), however in this case I will pass on the deep dive into language theory and semantic concept building from a neurological/scientifc/brain perspective as well as a philosophical/concept/mind perspective, and instead accept that most people do not think of a reading entity when they think of the 2017 Open Championship.

Maybe the 2017 Open Championship at Royal Birkdale likes the pretty pictures and graphics I often include with many of my posts and that is why it decided to follow me? Again, however, I must object and point out that inanimate, non physically existent concept terms representing events that occur over time, do not possess vision or a brain or any senses at all and therefore could not be reasonably expected to have access to view any of those images, or if they could, to draw any sort of conclusions as to their relative merits or qualities or lack thereof.

I suppose it could just be that like many of my female human followers the 2017 Open Championship stumbled across my profile picture while browsing one day, thought I was hot, and figured what the heck, maybe it could get lucky and get to meet me someday. No doubt it wrote about it in it’s diary entry for that day.

Dear Diary,

Saw really cute guy on website today. OMG! So hot, gorgeous. Decided to follow. Maybe I will get to meet him one day and we will get married. Sigh.

2017 Open Championship, 07/03/17

p.s. stupid 2017 PGA Championship called me a brace face in school again today. Boo-hoo.

In any event, this is fucking ridiculous. Can we stop this stupid crap now. I thought I had mellowed on this whole bot problem but then something like this happens and I lose my shit all over again. Fucking Medium. Crap on a cracker and call it Corn Flakes.