Want to Feel Special. Read This

Updates italicized

Based on my current stats I average roughly 1 or 2 (roughly 5 to 15) readers of anything I post here. You are truly special. Out of the approximately 7.5 billion people currently living on this planet. It is only you and maybe one (4–14) other person(s) who happen, by some completely improbable, no doubt mostly random series of events, that are reading these words at this very moment.

Now that you feel special or terrible let me go on. The chances that you, yes I am talking to you dear reader(s) are actually reading this right now are approximately 1 or 2 (5 or 15) in 7.5x10^9. For comparison the chances of you winning the powerball are roughly 1 in 3x10^9. Yes you read that correctly. You had a 2x better chance of winning the powerball today then reading this post. Sucks to think about right? Boy does it ever.

Instead of stopping at the seven eleven after work like you normally do, grabbing a big gulp and shelling out one measly buck for the powerball you decided to go straight home today. I understand, you had a long day. Those fuckers in accounting keep screwing up the monthly payroll. Meanwhile Janice in marketing was yacking away non-stop about her weekend visit to Des Moines like it was a luxury vacation in London or something. Yes, cities have big buildings and homeless people. Holy shit! Stop the fucking presses.

Anyway all of that shit wore you out. So you went straight home. Wife and/or husband was passed out dead drunk on the couch as per usual. Cans of Miller Lite all over the floor. It’s only 5:30 for fucks sake. Straight to the bedroom you head, fire up the trusty old Dell P210 tower. After about five minutes she finally boots up. Fucking Vista is a real strain on her well used processor and barely adequate RAM. Not to mention the fact that you just hit 98% capacity on the 1GB hard drive with the MP3s you downloaded while high as fuck last weekend. Eventually you will delete all those old pictures from college. You know the ones I am talking about. Back when you still had some hope, could count on getting laid at least two or three times a year. The glory days. Ouch, I was pretty ruthless back in the day, September of 2016.

You double click on the trusty old Explorer short cut and hello inter webs. Those pictures from college made you remember how you once thought you were going to write the great American novel. You were sure of it. I can still write and I am gonna prove it to the world you say to yourself. Hello Medium, finally I can write and publish like a real professional without all those worries about editors and publishers and sales. All that shit that doesn’t matter. Writing is an art man. (nice Medium dig Danny boy, well done)

Fuck you are depressed. What’s this you say to yourself as you spot this piece? Hell yes I want to feel special. Damn, that’s it? You have reached the bitter end. There is always tomorrow. For sure you are going to buy that power ball ticket tomorrow. You can’t lose.

Obviously my math here relies on accepting that you found this article totally randomly. and that the your powerball numbers and the winning numbers are both totally random. The powerball are about as close to random as a person can get without resorting to ultra high end random number generation schemes that rely on the most random things we know about in nature such as certain types of quantum phenomenon. Anything generated using a mathematical formula is technically pseudo random. Most computer based RNGs use formula. Some websites use things like atmospheric noise or other physical events. Anyway, depending on the scale of your life that you choose to focus in on, the fact of you reading this or not may or may not seem totally random. In my view it is close enough to make the comparison legitimate.

Damn I put a lot of thought into that update postscript. Geesh. lol!