Machines/computers/appliances etc. do not need to be programmed to be polite or have manners nor do we need to concern ourselves with how we behave or interact with them. It makes zero difference to our moral standing or ethical code if we are abusive and angry, consoling and nice, or neutral and cold. It cannot make a difference how we act/interact with these things because they are things.
It is a category error to apply these concepts/behaviors (politeness, manners, angry, abusive, nice, neutral, cold, or any other value/moral concept) to non-living, non-sentient things and it suggests an equivalence in value that does not and cannot obtain. The more that we concern ourselves with these concepts as they “apply” to things, the more we devalue the importance of what we and other living things are/have that separate us from those things which do not.
When parents lament the fact that Alexa or any other computer does not require their children to say please and thank you, and worry that it is undoing everything they taught their children about being polite and respectful, they are making a very grave error. In fact the much more worrying lesson being taught in such a case is that computers are deserving of such concerns when they are not. Neither are they deserving of abuse and hatred. Those concepts simply do not apply when used in reference to a non living, non-sentient computer or appliance. When parents suggest to their children that they do, they teach them that these things have moral value/worth. Moreover, it suggests that this value is at least as high as that of any other human being/person with whom they are also taught they must be polite/mind their manners. Do these same parents teach their children to say please and thank you to the toaster? What about the microwave? At base, there is fundamentally zero difference between Alexa and any other non-human, non-intelligent, non-sentient kitchen appliance. If the appliance is a ‘smart’ version of one of these makes no difference since the word ‘smart’ does not mean these appliances are intelligent, though it is often taken to suggest otherwise. In addition to implying value/moral worth where there is none, asking anyone to use please and thank you when interacting with Alexa is a form of deception/lying about reality. Politeness, manners, kindness, cruelty, and words/terms like them have no meaning with respect to Alexa or any other computer. They are logically incoherent, nonsense, absurd, when used in this way for they only logically cohere when applied to living beings and/or living/sentient/intelligent beings.