Where Were You When America Collapsed?
In case you were not aware America has officially collapsed. I had not realized it myself until I was informed via an article posted on this very website. Apparently we have been on the verge of collapse for quite a long time but it was only very recently, perhaps within the past two weeks or so, that the long feared collapse finally happened. It is truly a terrible time to be an American and dare I say, a terrible time to be alive. Unless of course you live in Switzerland or Sweden or one of those non-collapsed European countries we can only hope to someday be reborn in the model of. In any event to help you through these trying times of discord and malcontent I present to you a few tips for living in post-collapse America.
1. Continue going to work everyday as you always have
In this post collapse America almost everyone who wants a job has one. If you are one of the lucky many working at one of these plentiful jobs continue reporting to the job site as usual. The temptation in times like these is to quit doing anything, after all what’s the point. The point is if you do not go to work, you will not get paid, and if you do not get paid you cannot feed yourself or your family. So, keep on working or you will starve. In times before the collapse of America had even begun your wages sucked. Now that America has collapsed they still suck. Sorry about that.
2. Don’t forget the first rule of the collapse of America: do not talk about the collapse of America. That is also the second rule.
Only a select subset of foreigners or liberal elite are allowed to talk about the collapse of America, for everyone else it is forbidden. Since I am part of this liberal elite I am allowed to talk about it. You are not. Or are you part of the liberal elite? Well, are you? I bet you probably are. Probably some East coast, Ivy League, Ivory tower, egg-head intellectual. You probably even drive a Tesla or some other effeminate electric car for losers. Go buy some gas like a normal red blooded American you freak.
3. Machines can’t learn
The term itself is composed of two words that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction and a thing which is logically impossible, a learning machine. If a machine could learn it would no longer be a machine. Wait a minute? wft? Wrong article. What was I talking about again? I need a vacation. I just took one didn’t I? Greece and Turkey, remember? No. Damn, that’s not good, guess it didn’t work. Nope. Damn. Who are you talking to? Shut the f up dummy. Fine. Goodnite.