You are a broke dude. Reality Mike. Sucks right? Imagine that the woman you love more than life itself dies in your arms. Now imagine that you have convinced yourself it is your fault. Welcome to my world. The world is the hell we make of it. I am so sorry for your pain but know that there are others out there who share it. Maybe even others who have it worse. Does that help? Fuck no it doesn’t but it does not make it any less true. Sometimes it makes me feel a little better to imagine and feel the hurt of others. Reading your post I felt that relief. Sick right? I need to see and read how awful other people feel to help soothe my guilt and grief. This world is an ugly awful place sometimes. I hate it and curse all the supposed Gods that put me here. Do you? Maybe you do and maybe you do not. Either way, know this, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Think on that. My offer stands. Let’s trade places.